Dear Future Self,
Hey, you. Or, alternatively, me. I've never spoken to you before, but I think it's time I did, not for a contest or views but because I know better than anyone that you need it right now.
I know you're hurting and you're scared. I know how you can't look in the mirror without clawing away at yourself and I know you write this with shaking hands and a heavy heart, but this isn't just about you. This is about the little girl you used to be and the little girl out there that's exactly as you were. Because they need you. I need you. Please stop crying each night, this will make you stronger. I know it's hard. I know you don't think it's fair, but who ever said life was fair? No one, because it would be the poorest excuse for a lie ever spoken. So take that step. Look up into that mirror and say it. Out loud.
"I was sexually abused."
Stop. Don't you dare erase that sentence. Remember those girls who could be reading this. Do NOT regret these words. Even if they do not help, they don't hurt. I wish you would have warned me. The bullying was tough but I developed thick skin. "Ugly" and "white trash" only stung. I'll admit, dance and it's partner "too fat" did their damage. They still are and I will be paying the dentist extra if I continue as I have. But this? A warning, at least... Please... Tell the seven year old girl I was never to fall in love. In the future, please, learn to go back and tell her EVERYTHING. At least, then, we could be prepared. When dad leaves, when Michie (who was only fourteen... Fourteen for Christ's sake) passes, when we turn into a worthless, hating monster... At least we'll be prepared; we'll be numb.
But this, this admittance? It's the first step. And you're doing so well. I know that soon, you will help others and, in turn, help yourself. I am so proud of you, truly. I know, you will heal yourself.
In the future, remember, we all have our crosses to bear, some larger than others. But it is through these crosses that we build strength, faith and character.
In the future, learn to love yourself. For that little girl who expects so much of the world, give her that. Give her hope in herself. I don't care if you aren't the prettiest or skinniest or most talented or intelligent. She just wants something to look forward to. I just want something to look forward to. Future self, fight and thrive despite all this cruelty, for me. For the young, innocent us. For a girl who may read this and need the same thing. In a few moments, I beg you to submit this.
Future self, learn how to love again. Maybe you don't need a life partner, but don't push everyone away, because the little us always wanted friends. Always loved to be loved...
Don't forget who you are, what you went through or where you came from, because I know you'll be great. The world may be ferocious and spiteful but it isn't great enough to beat all of us. I love you and I wish you the best of luck.
Your sixteen-year-old self.